The lowest years of my life. Never could I imagine I’d be feeling the way I did. I was mentally and emotionally checked out. Have you ever had so much going on inside but chose to say nothing or very little ? That was me. I felt cold and alone, nothing or no one could help me. At least that’s what it seemed like..I was making bad decisions to cope, doing things outside of my character.I felt like I was on an island by myself. The island of hurt and sorrow. Everyone around me seemed to be preoccupied, too busy to notice what was happening to me. I was hurt beyond repair.. and nobody could fix it. I talked to God over & over but usually asking the wrong questions like, “what did I do to deserve this?” At the time, I didn’t understand. School became less interesting, shopping couldn’t fill the void, my appetite was decreasing. I didn’t feel attractive, nothing I did felt right, I was loosing faith. I was becoming distant..
I had been calling out of work, taking bathroom breaks to cry. A coworker of mine noticed. She asked if I was ok and she said I didn’t look happy anymore like I used to, I lied and told her I was fine. But God wasn’t done with me. Another day at work a new supervisor asked to talk to me and I thought for sure I’d done something wrong. I thought to myself, this is really the last thing I need right now. I wasn’t in trouble at all. We went into the bathroom & she started crying, she told me if I ever needed anyone to talk to, she was here for me because she knew how it was to feel alone. We cried together, she had no idea what my situation was and she barely knew who I was but she saved me in a way.. she doesn’t even know. I was very low at this point and I had previously broke down and told my mom I didn’t want to be here anymore. I felt that. It was real, my life was spiraling out of control and as soon as I felt like giving up God sent me an angel ! Check on people, you never know what anyone is going through. If somebody seems distant or sad, give them a few words of encouragement. Uplift them. Make people laugh. Life is so short and some people don’t make it out !
& I know we don’t talk everyday but I miss &love you Marina.
• World Suicide Prevention Day