Can I vent ?

Often times I feel misunderstood, especially from people who never fully took the time to get to know me. There are people who have studied my features way more than they have ever tried to understand who I am on the inside and that’s frustrating. I know my physical appearance may seem polished and well put together but guess what ? I am not. There are pieces of me floating out there in the atmosphere still trying to return to my original puzzle. These pieces of me have been taken by other people, things and situations. Over time, I have managed to find some of those pieces and put myself back together but there’s still some missing. I am not perfect. What you see on the outside is an illusion, a mere distraction from what’s really going on. There are days where I don’t want to talk to anyone and I just want to lay in bed all day. There are days where I sit and overthink every little tiny thing and I try to talk myself out of my goals. There are days where I question my abilities, my purpose and my whole existence. There are days where I feel so sad & alone. Most of these times, I feel like no one cares or is paying attention. I’ve become the master of disguise and rarely do people know when I’m having these days but they exist. Almost every three months or so I have a breakdown and I’m not sure if anyone notices but almost every three months I also have a new hair color lol. What if I told you that changing my hair makes me feel better ? Yes, I enjoy hair color but I really don’t just wake up and say ” I’m about to mess them up with this one ! Boom blue hair” ..Typically when I am consumed with my negative thoughts, I try to distract myself by doing something different to my hair. Around 1 or 2 a.m I put on some Jhenè Aiko and I decide I’m going to change my appearance. Here you were thinking I’m some fashionable person but in reality a bitch just depressed. Get to know people, find out what makes them happy and what makes them sad. Stop assuming that people aren’t struggling because they make the struggle look good.

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