I’m not good luv

11:17 pm

I cried last night. I hate crying & I hate dealing with people who make me cry and don’t even care that I’m crying. This shit is a cycle. A cycle of emotional abuse. No matter how many years or months I go without having interest in anyone, as soon as I do, I remember why I shouldn’t. I hate feeling betrayed and left out in the dark. I hate that people constantly say they want to be with me when they don’t. These same people who claim they want to be with me, don’t know how to be with me or any other good woman. I’m not perfect, I have many flaws but caring about someone, having loyalty, compassion and empathy for someone has never been an issue. I don’t understand why I attract the heartless, the emotionally unavailable, the nonchalant, the broken ..

I’m a nurturing spirit and a fragile soul. I keep telling myself no matter how much turmoil I endure, I’ll never change my heart. It’s almost gone black before but that’s not me, I don’t want to be bitter. I don’t want to be the successful woman with no man because I’ve been too hurt to accept love ( like from the Tyler Perry Movies lol) It’s just scary how someone could treat you so badly when all you were trying to do is be there for them and care.. just trying to love them. I am mentally tired. I’m good on feelings, good on niggas & lies.

– maybe in another 4 years

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